A Message for Barbara Heathcliff
Loki Olin read "A Message for Barbara Heathcliff" on Sunday, August 24th at the Rudolf Steiner Bookstore in NYC.
Los Angeles – 1986
Voicemail from Robert Woodall to the home of Bill Silverstone & Kathy Messner:
Hey there, Bill. This is Robert Woodall. How’s your family, man? I hope they’re doing well, I hope everybody’s doing well, and the… wife, now, wow. Kathy. Kathy? Look, I know it’s been a year or two, but I heard from a pal of a pal that you’ve got a… sister or step-sister that works at that talent agency up in the valley. It’s one of the three-lettered ones, I can’t remember the name, but I figure she either does or she doesn’t and if she does I’d bet my bottom dollar that you’ve got those letters. Anyway, Bill, the thing about that talent agency is that they represent Barbara Heathcliff. And I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but I actually met Barbara Heathcliff a few years back. A little more than met if we’re being honest, and I think we can be honest without being crude, right? So there it is, that’s the thing, I spent some time with Barbara, and here’s the other thing, Bill: she told me to get in touch with her. And… as I’m sure you remember, I wasn’t so on top of things back then… but I’ve been going around trying to close some loops, and that’s when I see Barbara on this new television program. And I think… Wow. There is a thread that I just completely lost track of. So I see her on this new program, I’m not sure what that one’s called, but if your sister or step-sister really does work at that talent agency then I think it’s a very safe bet that she would have the name of that program. Anyway, Bill, anyway, see, this is the problem with voicemail, I go around in circles, but this is Robert and I’m talking to you, Bill… or maybe I’m talking to Kathy, I don’t know who answers the phone these days, in which case, hi, Kathy, I hope you’re doing well, and… I guess either one of you would have the sister or step-sister’s contact information, so if you could just send that over, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you, Bill, or thank you, Kathy, and both of you, be well.
Voicemail from Robert Woodall to Janet Silverstone:
Hi. Janet Silverstone? So you’re actually Bill’s cousin is what I’m told? Anyway, hi, Janet, my name is Robert Woodall, and I think Kathy explained the nature of my situation, but in any case I hope you’re doing very well. Alright, Janet. There’s an actress that you represent, and by you, I mean the agency, and her name is Barbara Heathcliff. I’m sure you know of her because she has that new show on the network, and let’s be honest, Janet, she is everywhere. I’m flipping through the channels here and she’ll be in a new episode on three and then she’ll be in a rerun on four, and if you flip back and forth between those two channels, it’s pretty much like she’s having a conversation with herself. Anyway, Janet, anyway, Barbara and I are acquaintances, very close acquaintances, we spent a lot of time together back when I was living in San Diego, and I was hoping you could send over her contact information. Barbara told me to get in touch with her, you see, and then… I was away for a while, I was actually in Europe, and, anyway… I know based on what Barbara told me that she would really appreciate a call and she would really appreciate hearing from me. And, yes, better late than never, but at the same time, sooner rather than later, right? So whenever you get this message, if you could just put a hold on whatever you’re doing and get me that information, I would greatly appreciate it.
Voicemail from Robert Woodall to Janet Silverstone:
Hi, Janet, I’m not sure if you got that last voicemail, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you did not, or that you got it but you never got around to listening to it, because I think it was pretty clear from that voicemail that I was hoping for a response from you, and I think I even said sooner rather than later. Anyway, anyway, this is Robert Woodall, and I think what would be best is – why don’t you just stop listening to this voicemail and go ahead and listen to that first voicemail. The first message I left you. I think we should be good to go after you give that a listen, but the long story short is that my name is Robert Woodall and I am trying to get in touch with Barbara Heathcliff. Thanks, Janet.
Voicemail from Robert Woodall to Janet Silverstone:
Janet, I’m really not sure what the issue is here, but I’ve sent two different voicemails now, going on three, and at first I thought maybe it was an issue with your machine, but I don’t think anybody working at a talent agency would go around with a broken voicemail machine for two weeks. So here we go again and I guess I’ll try to be as clear as possible. Barbara Heathcliff needs to hear from me, do you understand that? And I was really hoping that I would not have to divulge any of Barbara’s private information, but you’ve kind of forced my hand here, Janet, so… look: when I met Barbara, we spent three straight nights together under the San Diego palms and she told me about everything. Everything, Janet, certainly a lot more than whatever the agency knows. For one thing, she told me about her mother. Barbara has a cruel mother, Janet, you have to understand that. Her mother is not only vindictive but also in a deteriorating mental state, so things are going to get a lot worse before they get a lot better, and the only thing that’s going to make that situation better is also pretty bad because it’s going to involve a funeral and a lot of tears. So there’s that, and then there’s the issue of the fame. Barbara did not want to be famous, Janet. Yes, she wanted to be an actress, but she did not want to be famous. She was very, very afraid of fame. Now I’m sitting here looking at the television, and I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but they’ve added reruns to channel seventeen and channel eighteen. So if you select those four channels, if you select channel three, channel four, channel seventeen, and channel eighteen, what you get is four straight channels playing this new program and there are actually times when the episodes line up so that you’ve got Barbara speaking on all four channels at once. She did not want to be everywhere, Janet. A person is not meant to be everywhere. She was very concerned about the fragmentation that might occur if her career ever took off, and, God, speaking of fragmentation, by now I can only imagine the state that her mother is in. Remember that Barbara told me to get in touch with her, Janet, and you are standing in the way of that happening. You work for the agency, and the agency works for Barbara, so please, Janet, please, please, please, get out of your chair and dial me back, and please, please, please, get me this phone number.
Loki Olin is a writer, actor, and filmmaker from San Francisco, California. In this series, he read an excerpt from a story that tracks the relationships of several characters through voicemail.
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